I’ll be honest guys, I did not enjoy sex toys when I first came on the scene. I was a freshman in college, brand new to sex, and all my friends, left and right, were exploring their anal pleasures with dildos. “It helps you get used to the feeling,” one guy told me in his dorm room. “I go at my own speed so that when the real thing comes, I’m ready.”
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Our hopes were soon met. I started college a few months after Grindr hit the app store. We all quickly discovered sex via the glowing orange icons on our phones. This was my initial understanding of toys: They were ass-trainers, a second-hand way of experiencing the “real thing,” and no matter how nice they were, they were inferior to flesh and blood. I believed “sex toys” for gay men stopped at dildos and prostate stimulators, and I did not consider them legitimate sex play all on their own.
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In the years since, I have learned that there are many gay sex toys out there beyond anal toys, although these are certainly the majority, and anal toys toys are more than substitutions for penises. Some toys, like the Ass Hammer (see #28), deliver mind-blowing sensations that a penis simply cannot replicate. Nothing will ever replace traditional sex — sex toys simply expand the experiential buffet of sexual pleasure to its true, limitless margin.
As you begin your toy sexploration, you will find that, although there are endless naughty novelty stores in the world, good toys are surprisingly hard to find. You could scour the Internet or make expensive pilgrimages to your nearest big city to visit a sexual retailer catered exclusively to gay men — nearly every big city has one — or you could start with this list of 39 sex toys you have to try, some of which are for beginners and others for seasoned adventurists. Welcome to Toyland, and enjoy the ride.
Don’t be scared of glass. Glass is hypoallergenic, and if you get a heavy, high-quality plug, it won’t break in your butt (a fear I had before using one). Glass warms as it touches your skin and becomes very slick with lube (you can use any kind, silicone or water-based). Even better, clear glass allows you to see the sphincter opening around the toy. Just remember that glass is completely hard — it doesn’t “give” at all like silicone. Try this one from Extreme Restraints, a good, go-to website for sex supplies.
There are many kinds of masturbators and jacking tools from many different brands. Jack-off tools are useful for solo play as well as world-changing hand jobs from a friend. I have personally used The Tenga Flip Ultra from Fort Troff — a wonderful company that makes some of my favorite sex toys (no, I’m not being paid by Fort Troff for this endorsement) — and this one comes highly recommend.
There are dozens of different companies that make nipple clamps. A standard kink supplier like Mr. S Leather in San Francisco has many on their website, but you can probably find some at your local novelty store. I know guys that have used clothespins, but I prefer using clamps designed explicitly for this purpose. The nipples are very erotic parts of the male body and, depending on the guy, very sensitive. These old-school Daddy’s Godfather Tit Clamps from Mr. S Leather are sure to rock your world.
Sometimes, you both want to bottom. For these occasions, you can almost certainly find a double-ended dildo at your local novelty store — it’s simply a long dildo with two penis-like heads at either end. This smooth, black 18" double-header from Mr. S Leather is ideal for two guys who want to go cheek-to-cheek.
Mutual jacking off is one of the most romantic things you can do with another guy, and these make it easy. Regardless what design you get or which brand you buy from, they’re all essentially squishy tubes with openings at both ends that you put your penises into, head-to-head, and stroke over both shafts. This one from AdamMale toys is one of the few I could find online. Note: These have become somewhat harder to find online, so you might want to nab this one.
Get on your knees on the bed, face to face, and stick your penises in. Kiss, make-out, and take turns stroking each other. Time your orgasms so that you both cum close to the same time, and hold a strong kiss while you do it. You’ll thank me.
The Oxballs Spreader butt plugs spreads open once it is inside your ass, so it is a good training tool for more intense ass play and can help you work up to larger toys or fisting. This one is made of pure silicone, so water-based lubes are recommended. If you use silicone lube, wash it immediately after play.
These can usually be found in most sex supply and novelty stores, or you can find it online. Colt makes great ass play products and plugs, and usually at a pretty affordable price. When it comes to training the ass to open easier (for a cock or for other toys), butt plugs are a bottom’s best friend.
Playing and practicing with butt plugs will help you get used to the sensation of your anal spinchter muscle opening. The anal spinchter is what clenches tight when you have to go use the bathroom, and relaxes naturally when you sit on the toilet. You must train this circular muscle to relax on command if you’re to enjoy anal sex. Butt plugs are great at helping you learn to do that, and most guys gradually go up in size over time. You may find that the sensation of this muscle opening is intensely erotic — I did.
TitanMen not only makes great porn (shoutout to performer Jesse Jackman), but their sex gear is well-made and reliable and can be found in most novelty stores. Their butt plugs are a great staple for ass play.
Blessed be the three men that first discovered double penetration — DP is one of the greatest gifts that gay men have been given. But if you’re trying to have a two-person, monogamous relationship, or if you are not quite ready to be double-fucked by two guys, try this toy. It would probably fall into the sex toy category of “cock extenders,” although it does not extend or expand the top’s penis. Rather, it attaches a dildo to his dick and gives you the opportunity to “take two” without a third man present. Oxballs makes some of the world’s best anal toys, great for all us pigs into extreme ass play.
Cock extenders, butt plugs, and jack-off tools are generally considered different kinds of sex toys, each capable of providing hours of fun. A cock extender is typically a sheath around the penis that makes it a "bigger," and we've already covered butt plugs and jack-off tools. These three toys come together in one brilliant design — the Raw Pup. The Raw Pup is very similar to the Raw Dawg, which rocked the sex toy market a few years ago. I have been a personal fan of the Raw Dawg for years, and only recently learned that Fort Troff distributes the toy from Perfect Fit, one of the most reliable toymakers on the market. (I was first introduced to their toys when a buddy pulled out one of Perfect Fit's Fat Boy cock extenders two years ago while I was tied to the bed.) Like the Raw Dawg, the Raw Pup is a soft and squishy toy that you insert in the ass. Once inside the spinchter, it locks in the ass via a bulbed base (like a butt plug). The toy opens and expands around your penis when you stick it in the moaning bottom’s hole — creating a mind-blowing, ass-stretching sensation for the bottom and a slick, massaging sensation for the top. Woof!
Similar in design to the Raw Pup, the Oxballs Woof Plug is a hollow plug that opens up the ass and is open-ended, which means if you’re avoiding condomless sex, you will still need to wear a condom. It is basically a tunnel plug (see #38) that can more easily be used for sex, since most tunnel plugs do not work ideally for fucking. This one is great for the pup in your life.
This is one of many anal ball chains on the market and a good one to start off with, since the balls are relatively small. Anal balls, regardless if they are connected together via a “chain” or are individual balls (kegel balls, Ben Wa balls), essentially do the same thing as plugs: they open up the spinchter muscle and pop inside the anal cavity. The Vixen six ball chain gang, available from Mr. S Leather, allows you to put multiple balls in your ass at once and pull them out (slowly) one by one, since they are connected on a “string.”
This one has been in my toy box for years. As I mentioned earlier, there are dozens of different inflatable dildos and butt plugs, but this one from TitanMen is one that I can personally recommend, and is great for a beginner.
None of these sex toys have been classic “dildos.” In my experience, it is hard to find good dildos, especially for ass play. Most of the ones you find at novelty stores are veiny, much too hard, or will not last long. You need something firm yet pliable for ass play — those veiny ridges on “ultra-realistic” dildos in novelty stores can be very painful and aren’t ideal for the gentle tissue in the rectum.
If you want to buy a dildo, spend money on a good brand and buy one that is designed for ass play. This one from Fort Troff is the largest of the brand’s “Real Deal” line of dildos, which are designed for anal penetration and meant to look and feel just like real penises. The company advertises that its Sticky Bomb suction base won’t go anywhere, and it’s true — do not adhere it to any surface with wallpaper or you will take the paper off when you try to detach it.
Similar in sensation to nipple clamps, nipple suction devices are basically penis pumps for your nips. Rather than clamping down on the nipple, these suck your nipples into a tiny cylinder, and the suction holds them there until you release/unscrew the device. Creating equal parts pain and pleasure, these are go-to items for nipple play enthusiasts.
Duct tape is typically used for bondage, so this item somewhat falls outside the realm of “sex toy” and into “kink gear,” but duct tape is so sexy that it deserves a mention on this list. You do not have to do BDSM (or any other kinky practice) to enjoy getting gagged with duct tape — it will enhance vanilla sex and bring your orgasms to a new level. Taping someone’s mouth shut and/or wrists together, or having your own mouth and wrists taped, will add a mind-blowing dimension to your sex, so long as you’re safe, sane, and consensual — three words that everyone, kinky and vanilla, should keep in mind. Duct tape can be found at your nearest Home Depot.
Duct tape is visually very sexy, but it will irritate the skin, leave a glue residue, and rip out hair when you pull it off. Vet wrap — also sometimes called “bandage wrap” — is a nice alternative. It is clingy, so it sticks to itself and pulls off easily. Vet wrap is also great if you want to cover more than just the mouth. I once had my entire head wrapped in vet wrap as part of a fun sensory deprivation scene. You could deplete the stores of vet wrap at your local CVS or buy bulk rolls on Amazon.
Sounding is a semi-extreme kink that involves inserting small thin rods (usually metal) into the urethra — the head of your dick. Since these are technically sex toys, they deserve a mention. When you have exhausted ass play and are considering moving to the front, sounding is one form of penile pleasure/torture that you might want to try. I would recommend doing it slowly and with a partner, not solo. These flashy Oxballs sounding rods are designed to look like long, skinny gun barrels and are available at roughtradegear.com.
The Pig-Hole Plug from Oxballs is better designed for fucking, and comes in a variety of sizes. The Pig-Hole Plug is a great fisting accoutrement, and will be loved by piss-play enthusiasts everywhere. This is basically a tunnel plug that matches the natural curvatures of the anal cavity and feels more comfortable to this writer than standard, round-tunnel plugs.
This was actually one of my more recent purchases. I long believed that the only way to train your ass for fisting is to get fingered and slowly work your way up with a patient fister and lots of good lube (Crisco). Then a friend in Los Angeles recommended this dildo.
Its name comes from the goose-head-like shape of the tip, which is designed to resemble the basic shape that a fister’s hand should make as it gradually stretches open the ass. When you fist someone, you do not actually make a “fist” until the ass has been comfortably opened. When you are stretching someone open, you collapse your hand into a “goose-head,” with the fingers together and the thumb underneath, making them resemble a soft point. This makes your knuckles — the widest part of your hand — as curved and small as possible. Mimicking that basic shape, this dildo is a great practice tool for fistees. It attaches to the wall, so you can get some Crisco and some poppers and slowly back up onto it, or pop it on top of the toilet seat and try to sit. Go slowly and be careful.
Anal hooks are hooked metal poles with a metal ball at one end (the end that gets inserted in the anus) and a loop at the other. Once the ball is suctioned into the anal cavity, the curved metal rod will stick out, allowing the metal loop at the other end to be fastened to arm restraints, neck restraints, etc.
The brilliance of ass hooks is their ideal use in predicament bondage, in which a submissive may be disinclined from moving his arms/hands/head too much, since it is attached via rope or cord to the ass hook. Every movement of the metal rod (and whatever it is attached to) will be felt in the butt. This stainless steel ass hook from Mr. S Leather is just the kind of anal torture device you need in your life.
Parachute ball stretchers are for guys into CBT (cock and ball torture) and ball stretching, which is the kink practice of stretching the scrotal sac with weights and other devices to make the testicles hang lower. Parachute ball stretchers “cup” the testicles, usually in a leather/leatherette cone, with three hanging chains (resembling a parachute) upon which you can hang weights and other items to maximize the ball-stretching sensation. Check out this one from Fort Troff.
You have surely seen these in sex shops where they can be found for pretty cheap. Vibrating metal butt bullets are small, round, oval-shaped metal “pods” or “eggs” connected to a handheld controller via electric cord. You insert them in the ass (one or both — most sets come with two) and turn them on. The vibrating sensation alone can be enough to make your bottom orgasm. Try these twin silver butt bullets available on adamandeve.com or visit your local novelty shop.
Commonly used in medical fetish scenes, speculums are metal devices that you insert in the anal cavity (with lube!) and spread in order to “inspect” or peer into the anus. Like tunnel plugs, they allow a clear and open entranceway for piss, cum, water, milk, and other substances — or can simply be used for a top’s viewing pleasure. Try the Collins Speculum from Kink Industries.
This may be the most luxurious prostate massager you will ever own. LELO makes sleek, organic-looking luxury sex toys for women and men, and the LOKI Wave is touted as the Cadillac of their male prostate massagers line with its distinctly “come hither” motion in the bulb.
Give one to your special guy. A metal cock ring is seen by many as a rite of passage signifying a crossover from novice, soft cock rings to genuine hard play — a somewhat absurd idea, since many guys just prefer rubber, leather, and silicone cock rings over metal ones.
A metal cock ring automatically holds some risk that is not to be scoffed at. One of my close friends had to get his metal cock ring surgically removed in the Emergency Room following last year’s Folsom Street Fair after having it on his junk for more than 48 hours, unable to take it off. You want to make sure the cock ring is not too tight, and have ample amounts of silicone lube ready when removal time comes. Try this stainless steel “doughnut” cock ring from Extreme Restraints.
I recently learned that an ovipositor is a tubular organ through which a female insect or fish deposits her eggs into a male host. There are big fetishes surrounding ovipositors along with aliens, tentacles, and host impregnation. This should not be that surprising, since the whole concept of the face-grabbers from the Alien movie franchise is inherently, darkly sexual.
Thankfully for all of us alien enthusiasts, a company has come along — Primal Hardwere — and devised an alien-looking silicone dildo inspired by ovipositors. Called the Splorch, this darling dildo comes with round “eggs” made out of a clear, plastic gelatin material. You insert the dildo, which has a hollow chute running through it, then push the eggs in. The dildo quite literally “impregnates” you with these gelatin balls, which you will eventually have to push back out.
For obvious reasons, there is inherent risk in enjoying this item, as there is with inserting anything deep into the anus without a feed, and which you may not be able to get back out. No one wants to ask “Where did the egg go?” and rush off to the ER. But I think it is better that you know the Splorch exists. You both are in the world, you and the Splorch, and your life is better because of it.
Guy who enjoy anal balls will enjoy the ass hammer — a stainless steel metal ball double-welded to the end of a thin piece of metal. This item is not for beginners. Remember how some guys (like me) love the sensation of the anal spinchter opening and closing? This toy is for us. The ass hammer, from Mr. S Leather, is designed to go in and out of the ass, opening and closing the spinchter, at potentially rapid speed.
Where religious iconography meets kinky sex play, strange and wonderful things happen. One of those things is the Oxballs Damien dildo, which begins as a thick, veiny cock and morphs into a cross. Unsurprisingly, these toys are available in only two colors — black and red.
The language of Catholic imagery and crucifixion — the concepts of suffering as reverie and agony as ascension, the practice of kneeling in prayer for forgiveness — lend themselves effortlessly to eroticism, and quite frequently do. A visit to the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco will undoubtedly feature naughty rubber nuns and nearly-nude “Messiahs” being joyfully flogged.
The Borg ball stretcher — one of many ball stretchers from Oxballs — is one of the few that I have personally tried. Although it is made of soft and stretchy silicone, it has an industrial, shiny look with “screw head” embellishments on the outside. This is a good base-level ball stretcher with some weight — 74 grams. The sensation of your weighted nuts hanging is pretty stellar.
This is a standard, non-embellished vibrating anal massager, perfect for loosening up and easy to take with its slick, smooth shape. It is also waterproof — take your pool play to a whole new level.
Designed for advanced anal players, the Intimidator is an 11’ tall anal toy that plops down flat on a heavy base and tapers out to nearly four inches wide. I have never come close to taking the whole thing, but I have deep respect for anyone who can. This is not a first-time toy.
There are many cock ring/butt plug combo devices out there, which connect a butt plug to a cock ring via a narrow strip of silicone across the taint. These can be worn all day (or all night) and are great for tops who want some love in the rump on a night out. This one from Oxballs, with a plug that resembles a small traffic cone, is a good one to try first.
Atomic Jock makes some of the best stretchy cock rings and ball stretchers — and with the Unit X, the brand does both. The Unit X is a ball-stretcher and cock ring in one. You can find similar designs in sex shops all over the world, and probably for cheaper prices, but Atomic Jock is the company behind those Z-Balls ball-stretching cock rings that were met with rave reviews. The Unit X has made similar waves since its release.
Inflatable dildos are for the more adventurous anal enthusiast. These will help you get used to (and enjoy) the sensation of your ass being filled, and are ideal if you have fisting aspirations in your future. Spend some money and buy a high-quality inflatable didlo — this one from Mr. S Leather has a firm core and should do the trick.
There are countless different cock rings in the world, with countless different designs. Each has a different form and function. Vibrating cock rings can be found at any novelty store or online, and are typically made of soft, rubbery latex or something similar, and have a battery capsule that charges a soft vibration at the base of the penis, close to the prostate — perfect for getting tops revved up. This Perfect Fit vibrating cock ring is sure to get him going. This one from Oxballs, also a reliable brand, is also great.
Cock pumping is a kink practice that involves putting your penis in a suction tube and watching it grow. While different people claim that they have different success with cock pumps actually increasing their cock size over time, cock pumping is still a fun thing to try. A good cock pump is something you’ll want to spend money on — try this complete cock pumping kit from Mr. S Leather.
Tunnel plugs are butt plugs with a hollow, tunnel-like center, allowing the top to “see into” the anal cavity. A few brands make hollow plugs and all of them work similarly, but Perfect Fit is certainly known for their tunnel plugs. You work these into your hole the same way you would a regular butt plug. They keep your ass open for streams of piss, cum, lube, water, whatever. Keep in mind that most tunnel plugs are not designed for fucking, as they are not soft enough to insert your penis into. This silicone tunnel plug from Fort Troff is a good one to start off with. It has 6.3 inches of insertable length — and this being Fort Troff, larger sizes are naturally available.
This may be a surprising cap to this list — no one ever talks about tunes as a sexual enhancer. Background music not only sets the mood, but it is also one of the cheapest sexual accoutrements you will buy, and certainly one of the most effective.
Mr. S Leather sells album mixes from one of the North American leather world’s favorite DJs, M. Arana, who has been a repeat guest at the Folsom Street Fair and DJed the San Francisco Leather Ball, the Mr. Fire Island Leather Contest, the Mr. East Coast Rubber Contest in New York, and other sexually-charged events. His mixes sound like darkrooms and play areas and immediately make you feel nasty. And much to my surprise, his albums are available on iTunes alongside other sex music-makers like Tony Barre and the old-school Butt Boy (known for tracks like “Phallidance” and “The Sling”).
If you’re looking for something that sounds less like a dungeon and more like a dance club, try the young LA-based EDM artist TR/ST — his sexed-up, mopey tracks like “Are We Arc?” on his recent album Joyland are great for a relaxed fisting session.
Hungry for more? Don't miss "36 Fetishes Every Gay Man Should Know" and "30 Kinky Terms Every Gay Man Needs to Know."